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Friday 31 December 2010

1956 January - March

January. Great fog.  Nora meets Mary. Grammar School inspected: headmaster's high academic standards and humae outlook, but "a bad showman".

Sunday, Jan 1st
   It rained and blew in the night and I hardly expected Mary would want a picnic. However it wasn't actually raining so about eleven o'clock we started for Coombe. Beacon Hill looked very grand and tawny yellow. We pulled up in our usual place in the pine plantation just past Litchfield about 12.30. I had gathered some wood when a storm blew up. We sat in the car till there was a break of half an hour. This was just long enough to heat up Irish stew, tomato soup (mixed in with stew) and already cooked potatoes in our billican. For second course we had peaches and cream. Then it began to drizzle again. We had a nice tea in the flat, haddock for supper. I left Mary tucked up in bed about 10.30. A lovely New Year's Day.

Monday, Jan 2nd
   Hilary went back to Cowley by the evening bus. He crosses to Germany on Thursday. Perhaps Nora will cheer up when he has left.
   Tonight the French election results are known. Stalemate again! Another five year's futility. The extreme parties, Communists and small shopkeeper, neo-fascists, have gained seats, but neither of the two centre groups, the right-wing Faure or the radical Mendés-France, have got enough seats to form a stable government. Reynaud says the only thing the Chamber can do is to draw up a new constitution, but I can see them doing that. They will set about cracking cabinets as a monkey cracks nuts.

Wednesday, Jan 4th
   An amusing day. Cold and frosty with some fog in the morning. When I reached the flat Mary had a streaming cold. After tea I read extracts from the Diaries of 1950 - 55 and time passed pleasantly till supper. We noticed the room had a slight dazzle. We looked out. Only the street lamp immediately below was visible and that was fading into the murk.
   I decided I had better make an  early start about 9.30. I drove out into the Bath Road and switched the spotlight on. It bounced back from about one yard's distance! I turned it off and drove cautiously across the road for the curb. In two minutes I realized that the problem was not  to reach Henley but to get the car turned round and back into the front of 1 Bath Road! I found the bollard and locked hard over to the right, hoping that nothing would loom up out of the murk and hit me. The car swung round and mounted the pavement, but I was facing west. I saw the seat near the entrance and turned in, but I was too short and found myself facing a brick wall. A figure appeared and asked me what I was trying to do. I explained there was a drive-in just there I was trying to find. He was most kind and piloted me in and up to the fence. He then asked if I would mind if he got his car in too and left it there for the night, as it was no good trying to get to Marlborough.! I told him I did not live at the flats but supposed that it would not matter. He brought his car in from outside and disappeared to look for a hotel. I then went back to Mary to explain what had happened, borrowed 4d, and went out again to phone Nora.
   We got out the safari bed, two blankets and and knitted rug. I remembered two wraps in the car and went down to get them. When Mary was in bed. I made her a hot lemon and sat with my arm under her shoulder while she drank it, my black trousered legs and red slippers on the bed. Much to my surprize and pleasure, she said she wanted to. It was very sweet of her.
   I had my breakfast in Mary's bed and left about 11.0. Had to stop frequently to scrape the ice off the window.

Friday, Jan 6th
   The fog seemed to be clearing. I took the quite unnecessary precaution of going over to Reading by bus. I had just crossed the Bath Road and was about to go into the flats when the Peaches drew up in their car, whereupon I rapidly invented a visit to to a friend at Dunedin Nursing Home, towards which I proceeded until they were out of sight
   Discussing fuel costs with Nora. Coke, which in 1953 cost 114/- a ton, is now 169/-. We seem to be spending about 16/- a week just heating water. May be the boiler is too big. To use an electric immersion  heater seems to work out at about 10/- a week.

Monday, Jan 9th
  Lady Eden has asked a cottager not to hang out her washing, something Mrs Churchill and Mrs Attlee never did!
   Mary C came to lunch and in the afternoon we had tea in great comfort at the Compleat Angler, Marlow. Tea for two cost 8/-, my highest priced tea to date! For that we got pastries, two sorts of sandwiches, buttered toast and brown bread, white bread and jam. It was a bitterly cold day. Tried to purchase a woollen ski cap in the morning in Henley, but only one I found had red stripes, which I thought a bit undignified for the headmaster!

Tuesday, Jan 10th
   Met Mary at Reading station at 2. Richard Burton was playing Henry V. He was good but inclined to shout. The production I thought inferior to Jan, 1951, and Stratford, Sept, 1951. We got back to the hotel about 11.

Wednesday, Jan 11th
   They gave us a good breakfast and Mary caught the 8.55 to work. Visited the C18th Taste again, then lunch at the N.B.L. Back to the flat about 2.30. We took the bus to the housing estate and went to the canal for a walk. Lyons Bath buns, the best in he world, for tea. Home by the 9.50 bus.

Friday, Jan 13th
   Found Mary very low on this appropriate date. She had left her bag in the Library at lunch time and thought she had lost it or it had been stolen. A letter had come from the Head Office pointing out that the profits of the branch last year were so small that no rise for the junior could be more than  2/6. She wondered if this was an indirect warning to her that they intend to close the branch, and if they did what could she do. The economies of the lending library very shaky today. The inflation has made the middle class subscriber cut his expenses and use the county library, and in spite of all she can do the people with small fixed incomes cancel.

Monday, Jan 16th
     Heard that G.E.Fasnacht (Fassy), who was lecturer in history when I first went to Leicester i 1929, had died. He was an odd man, very amusing, and, until he very surprizingly got married about 1934 or so, a kind of academic bum. He spent his day in Leicester moving from one café to another. He drank so much black coffee he said his veins must contain nothing but caffeine. Sherry and endless cigarettes were also a weakness, not to mention a vast mass of daily or evening newspapers. He must have been a year or two younger than me and took History, in which he got a first, in 1922. His wife, Ruth Anderson, was one of the spottiest women I have ever known. They produced daughter Mary and lived happily enough in the same road in N. Oxford as my Mary.

Tuesday, Jan 17th
   The inspection began badly today with girls' PT. Young Mrs Brackston was condemned pretty thoroughly for her passive attitude and and lack of positive teaching. She is a very quiet girl and perhaps rather lazy, but seems to get on with the girls well enough and always has them in good order. She always seems to me a little childish and not very grown up, but a fully trained person always an asset these days.
   Tonight Nora set off to have coffee with Mary at the flat at 8 o'clock. It was her idea. I don't know what will come of it. The last get together they had (in 1943?) was largely devoted to Nora warning Mary I was utterly selfish and wouldn't stick to her! I only hope it is amicable and neither gets irritated with the other for speaking too frankly.
   Clem turned up in my room and wanted to discuss the non-collection of savings by Miss Jenkins "as a matter of principle". I said nothing would induce me to discuss it as a matter of principle. But the staff did not know what do do with the money. Tell them to give it back, or tell the children to buy stamps at the Post Office, or buy them yourself if you prefer it, I replied.  

Wednesday, Jan 18th
   Nothing was said at breakfast or lunch about the visit. I got over to Mary about 2.30. She was very surprised to find how full of unrelated and impractical ideas Nora was. Mary's plants, she was told, should be immediately expanded into a business! Hilary was to go to Oxford on Aunt's money. When however she tried to get more information about Nora's plans, she did not get beyond a lot of "possibilities". She was I think rather alarmed by the wildness and scattiness of it all. I felt that after this Mary would have a much better idea of the difficulties involved.
   
Tuesday, Jan 19th
   After supper I talked to Nora. She said she had told Hilary that Mary and I might want to live together later before he went back to Cowley. This may have accounted for her extreme gloom and silence before he did. She also said she was going to apply or a job in St Albans with adults, but (and this surprized me) she had no hope of getting a full time job at her age. On the other hand she had told Mary there was plenty of work Cambridge and Hilary would like to live there - so what are we to make of it, I don't know. She has one idea after another.

Friday, Jan, 20th
   Had my hair cut against the inspection!

Monday, Jan 23rd
   A letter from Mary in which she said, "I can't help thinking how wonderful it was on Wednesday. I felt so utterly possessed." I thought of Blake, "What is it than man requires? The lineaments of gratified desire." Dear, dear Mary, my darling heart.

Tuesday, Jan 24th
   The Inspectors arrived. Besides Lady Helen Asquith there were a little red-faced young Lancashire man, French, a tall rather grim looking chap with light eyes, a small whiskered woman with thick glasses, scripture. I took a dislike to the last two, but it turned out unreasonably! They were not so bad when you got to know them.
   I had prepared a lesson on the agricultural labourer with Fifth, but of course no one came in to it.! The next lesson was with 1D on the Spartans at Themopylae, the little fat man arrived. I don't think he appreciated the Herodotus: I was moved as usual. Never mind.
   The D.S. inspector was down for the day, and the music inspector, a rather raffish gent, for the second morning. I spent the afternoon listening to their summaries accompanied by Lady H. We got good reports on these two subjects, but a poor one on Girls' PT. 2 - 1 score so far.

Wednesday, Jan 25th
   Inspectors at Prayers - all four! Lady H came to my form period with Sixth, talked to them about visit to the National Gallery this term, enlargement of vision etc. Told some jokes, but too polite or overawed to laugh. Had 1y to myself and did Thermopylae again. Little fat man came in for Hazel's lesson on Drake, which went quite well.  I felt he hadn't a clue really, but he was quite polite and friendly. I asked Clem what he was like. "Son accent est tout à fait abominable!" but he knew his stuff.
   Lady H and the tall man came to lunch, which I think they enjoyed. In the afternoon the art woman have her verdict and I took the history chap to show him my history room. The art was 50/50, a draw. I wasn't surprized to hear from the maths woman that she took a poor view of Roberts, dopey and lazy, definitely 0 - 1 against us. Private means, a nice comfortable job, a house, The Times' crossword puzzle.  

Thursday, Jan 26th
   Inspectors at Prayers again. No lessons today as I only took Rada Barnicott, and she stayed away! The P.T. man turned up and inspected Wally, and rightly observed that it would be no good going into the philosophical implications of what he was doing. Two junior inspectors to tea. They left for the final inquest at the Red Lion.

Friday, Jan 27th
   Today, as the Americans would say, was the pay-off. I had the inspectors in turn, except the science chap who left yesterday, and finally Lady Helen. "Lady Helen," I said, "It is a delight to meet someone like you." It was clear that the report was going to be a good one and that they were going to back me with the non-examination subjects.
   Only about 12 governors turned up, but Chorlton appeared for the first time for years. At the last inspection in 1938 I was turned out for some time and fully expected to be this time, but I had hardly got up to my room before the telephone rang! I was invited back.
   My "high academic standards and broad and humane outlook on education", but I was "a bad showman". The deficiencies of the building are so well known to the H.M. that he almost disregards them. H. M. had made a courageous stand for the unexamined subjects and the Ministry would give every support in their power for his policy. Hurrah! Recognition at last after 22 years! The children moved about in an orderly and sensible way. There was sound and effective leadership. Mrs Clayden and I were "the twin pillars of the establishment." The boys and girls were quite delightful as people. They were welcoming and well mannered, and they had enjoyed belonging, if only for a few days, to such a happy community.
   This was marvellous! The governors then spent some time chewing over the buildings. It seems likely we might get a lab but not a gym. Perhaps changing rooms might be built by themselves. Lady Helen began looking at her watch and the meeting came to an end. The governors were now out of the Canon Crosse influence. Old Denham said he went away happy and even unpleasant old Pullein Thompson insisted on offering me his flabby hand. Tom Luker was very pleased. I told him as he got out of his car, "We're going to get a good report."

   [Editor: The Diary entry on the conclusions drawn by the inspectors is fully borne out, virtually word for word, in the printed report, which was confidential and was not published, or quoted from in public, at the time. The report also provides some facts and figures.
   There were 277 pupils in 1955 - 56 compared with the 192 on the roll in 1938. Some 87 of the pupils came from Henley itself and the remainder from villages within an eight mile radius, some of them in Berkshire or Bucks. The school became co-educational in 1928, but until the war there was a preponderance of boys.
   In the year of the inspection, girls outnumbered boys by 11, but in the first-year forms there were 41 girls and only 19 boys. Of the 110 pupils who had left the school in the three years prior to the inspection, only 6 left before reaching the age of 16, some 35 were 17 or over and 32 left from the Sixth Form, which had 24 pupils in 1955 - 56.
   Only 29 went on to some form of further education, 7 to universities, 6 to training colleges for teachers, 5 to nursing and 5 to apprenticeships. The rest entered a fairly wide range of employment, the largest groups going into banking and insurance, the Services, and clerical work of various kinds.
   The Headmaster, noted the report, "gives an important place to the arts and attaches less weight to examination successes than to the realities which such successes should, but do not always, represent. His sincerity and his tolerant, considerate respect for the personalities of others are largely responsible for the obviously happy relationships which exist within the school." The broadening of the curriculum introduced by the present headmaster when he arrived in 1934, the report added, had not led to any decline in academic standards. "On the contrary it is clear that the all round standard of work has risen considerably since the last report was written."
   In addition to the headmaster there were 15 full time teachers and they were "unusually competent", with a single exception (maths).
   The non-examination subjects, regularly referred to in the Diary and subject to battles with the governors, included history and religious instruction at O level, and the lower stream did not take English literature at O level either. The inspectors commended this, saying it released teaching from the trammels of examination syllabuses which may not be specially appropriate for the particular pupils who have to follow them.
   The argument about examinations, which, the Headmaster complained, his governors seemed incapable to understanding, was fleshed out in the Headmaster's 1956 Prize Day report:
   - We want to take advantage of the much greater flexibility of the new General Certificate of Education as compared to the old school leaving certificate. The new certificate with its greater freedom and higher standard can be related to the individual boy or girl who wants to qualify for university entrance or preliminary examinations of the numerous professional bodies. It should not be treated a school leaving certificate, but as a qualifying certificate to a particular career, and there is no reason why a boy or girl in the fifth form should not by-pass some subjects at the fifth form level altogether. The educational value of a subject does not depend on whether the subject is examined or not examined, but on the content of the subject itself and how it is taught, as we see for example in the case of Religious Instruction or Literature and Music.

Saturday, Jan 29th
   Went up to London with Mary C by 11 train. We had a compartment to ourselves and went over the inspection and Lady Helen. She is a marvellous person, giving out all the time, and with perfect manners and consideration for others, yet with no condescension. You felt a great spiritual vitality in her presence and this stirred you and stimulated you to do your best.
   When we arrived at Paddington, Mary C decided to go to the Ladies' Turkish Bath in Russel Square and gave me a lift as far as Baker Street. Margaret Burton lived in a pleasant flat down a turning opposite Madame Tussaud's. She had some good furniture, pictures, glass and silver, and had prepared an excellent lunch. After lunch we chatted til 5 o'clock. Unfortunately I missed the 5.15 and had to go by a slow train home. Margaret was now very pale instead of rosy cheeked, but I thought less acid and totally condemnatory as in the past.

Wednesday, Jan 30th
   A fearfully cold day. When I got back [from the flat] at 10.30 and drove into the garage a vast cloud of steam came pouring out of the bonnet. The top of the radiator had frozen and the rest had boiled. This was the coldest night since 1895! No wonder.





February. Good bad Army character. Capital punishment to continue. Women are the limit.

Tuesday, Feb 7th
   House Committee. Mr Cook with logorrhea gave a long discourse to the other old gentlemen on the Bank of England, almost totally irrelevant to business in hand, which took an hour!
   Read today in the paper that a soldier discharged from army with character "good" had a number of previous convictions. It appeared that "good" was the fourth and lowest category, the others being "exemplary", "excellent" and "very good".

Tuesday, Feb 9th
   I went over to Oxford and had tea with Mr MacCarthy, who is the Dean and appeared to live in a most squalid ground floor room looking over the small outer quad.  We had college sandwiches of jam and marmite with untrimmed crust and two iced cakes with 1 éclair while crouching over a nasty gas fire and sat in semi-darkness.
   He told me an interesting story of an undergraduate who was building up a library in Wimbledon by removing books from the College, Blackwell's and Parker's. One of his methods was to pop volumes into a facsimile of the First Folio out of which he had cut the centre, thus making a box. He was sent down. His parents were crooks too. He went for treatment, but, as MacCarthy said, there was nothing wrong with him at all. He was just a smart Alec who was living on his wits.
   After tea I met Mary C in Blackfriars by her request. She had a fearful oil heater in the back of the car which stank of oil fumes and nearly choked you and an utterly inadequate kind of rug of what appeared to be cotton. She insisted on driving to the Beatle & Wedge at Cholsey for dinner, but did not know what road it was on. When we did get there at last it turned out to be a smart drinking place which did not do dinners. I drove her back to the Lamb at Wallingford where we had a nice quiet dinner. My feeling that she was not a practical woman was confirmed!

Sunday, Feb 12th
   Birthday. I got Nora her breakfast. She had developed a streaming cold. At nine I read letters from Mary, Molly, Hilary and Aunt. Later I went over to the school and found two letters from Mary C, one written to me when travelling down to Wales in November. I did not notice at first that she had put a bunch of freesias on my windowsill. I was "surprized by joy". She had also, she said to tease me, sent me a picture of St Hubert kneeling before the crucifix.  

Wednesday, Feb 15th
   Nora was very poorly and stayed in bed all day with a bad head and temperature. My cold was still rumbling about in my chest and in the afternoon we had the governors. They were more than usually fatuous because Mrs Griggs was not there last time and we had to have the Parent-Teacher Association all over again. Mr Denham got confused because one Tuttle had left to look after his grandfather's cattle. "I thought you said his name was Tuttle; now you tell me it's Cattle!" This rot lasted for well over the hour and then I came over to Nora and got her tea and took it up to her with her supper and a thermos flask.
   I had to stop on the way over for fruit but arrived at the flat soon after half past four. We had tea. I wanted to lie with Mary, but it was after six before we had washed up an chatted over what had happened since Friday. It was very successful and lovely and giving, and we both felt so happy and satisfied that we did not get up till after eight.

Friday, Feb 17th
   The Commons have voted against the continuance of capital punishment by a 31 vote majority. Rather to my surprize found Mary thought it ought to be retained for very bad murders, not so much as a deterrent as a kind of vengeance. I don't approve of this. It seems illogical to say that the taking of life is such a serious thing and then proceed to take another. It will be very interesting to see whether in this country the change leads to more murders or more armed robberies. Most experienced people think the professional criminals will not carry arms in any case. On the other hand it would be a pity to arm the police.

Tuesday, Feb 21st
   Found a poem from Cherry written on an expedition in the snow. Told her I could not take a lift from her on Friday to go to Molly's [a visit to Holly Bush Farm cancelled because of flu], where at she proposed not to go away herself. Felt too much devotion!

Wednesday, Feb 22nd
   Parents' Day. Quite a number turned up in spite of the bitter cold. We gave them a good tea with some excellent sandwiches and cakes, and had form parties, self, Mrs C, Miss Jenkins and Clem, taking them round.
   People keep telling you the wireless has said there is a slow thaw coming when in fact it has said nothing of the sort. Must be a "psychological" thaw.

Thursday, Feb 23rd
   Went over to Mary. I had suggested I came over Thursday and Saturday, but was told I could not come on Saturday as it was a "busy" night and Friday was suggested instead of Thursday. It was then suggested I might come on Sunday or Mary might take a half holiday on Monday. However, as Mary seemed so little pleased to have me at all, I was not very keen! Of course, as so often, it was left vague. She might go home on Sunday, she might not, she might take the afternoon on Monday, but then again she might not. Really women are the limit! Why can't they make up their minds!

Friday, Feb 24th
   It was half term, so I had breakfast in bed with an oil heater on, but even then it was difficult to get the temperature over 45°. Ar 2.30 Nora went off to Oxford, so I had Cherry to tea. This was all very nice, but when it was time for her to go at six o'clock she suddenly shut her eyes, said she felt tired and sat down. I could not make out what was the matter with her. In the end I gave her a small glass of brandy and water. More trouble with women!

Sunday, Feb 26th
   I had to return last night by the back way to avoid any revellers from the Old Boys ' Dinner at the Red Lion. I was unable to attend this year owing to a non-existent engagement in Oxford and don't intend to go while we suffer under Old Hamilton as chairman.

March. Praise from Clem Clifford. The Berkshire Hospital. Clem in the wrong bed. To the National Gallery with Sixth. Jim Stolarow. 



Sunday, March 4th
   Went up the lane with Cherry for an hour this morning. Although she kept assuring me that everything was all right at home, it clearly wasn't. Her father has not had his eye operation because he has a cough. Her mother can't be kept still. She has had to put off her trip to Rome at Easter. Nothing ever goes right with her for long, poor dear, and I am afraid I am a disappointment as well.
    Apparently Clem, bless his heart, said at the Old Boys' Dinner that he was proud to have served for so long under me for I had "great ideas about education and great singleness of purpose". Well that was handsome, as I have often made fun of him.


Wednesday, March 7th
   Nora had said she was going over to Cambridge tomorrow for the night and Mary was coming over. It was all planned when Nora said she was not going after all! Mary very disappointed, expressed her feeling about Nora and said she did not trust her. Why did she want to come over and see at all on January 17th? Pointed out that I had to live with N day by day and no good quarrelling with her unnecessarily. It is very difficult to balance the various pros and cons, financial, educational, domestic and legal. It is the financial that worry me most, I think.

Thursday, March 8th
   Irate parent arrived, but I turned on all my charm to persuade him his offspring should not take maths before Christmas - and succeeded. We parted good friends. He was one of Hobbs' boat builders and had no grammar to speak of.

Saturday, March 10th
   Suggested I should go to tea at Cyril's as Nora was going to tea at Wallingford. He invited me for a drive to Eton, but first we called at Heelas and both went up to the library! At Eton we visited the second hand book shop in the High Street, where I bought K. Nott's The Emperor's Clothes and a little red guide to Norfolk. Then we looked into the Catholic Church, a tiny little miniature in Italian Baroque, most attractive. Cyril likes his tea in an expensive guest house, so we went to one at Ascot - an essay in Edwardian Tudor with a touch of Scottish baronial - where we had crumpets and jam, sandwiches, white and brown bread and cakes. They returned me to Reading in time for the 5.50 bus.
   Had a letter from Molly today. Her luck is out; She has been in to have an x-ray and there is a shadow on her lung which is due to a virus or a fungus caught from hay (farmers' lung). She has had too hard, difficult and worrying a winter.

Sunday, March 11th
   A great rumpus in The Observer this morning; Koestler in his anti-hanging book accused in H of Lords of quoting only part of a Home Office document which the H.O. had refused to publish!
   Rang up Molly tonight. She sounded bad. Said she felt very poorly and was very short of breath. Had had one attack when she thought she was going to choke and was naturally very alarmed.

Tuesday, March 13th
    Cherry has been conducting a single-handed war with the eye ward at the Berkshire Hospital, where her father has been lying flat on his back with his eyes bandaged waiting for the operation. She says he has been disgracefully neglected and left in solitude, dirt and squalor to such an extent that he is danger of a complete mental breakdown. Visiting is only allowed on two days and on other days no one has spoken to him; his things have been put where he can't reach them, his teeth have been lost, his wireless batteries have been allowed to run out and generally he has been treated as if he were an animal and not a human being.
   She wanted to move him to a private ward, but was told that this was impossible under the N.H.S. even after the operation [for slipped retina]. If he were moved the operation would have to be cancelled and the whole process would start again from the beginning. She couldn't see the sister for some days and of course no appointment was possible for this.

Friday, March 16th
                     Mary more cheerful than Wednesday and I took her to see The Lady Killers with Alec Guinness at a very low cinema on one of Reading’s housing estates. When the lights went out you hardly liked to look at the audience! The film started well but failed to keep it up.

Saturday, March 17th
                     Spent the day in London reconnoitring Nat. Gallery and the Tate. Lucky I did as there has been a shift round [of paintings]. I went into the magnificent Banqueting Hall to see the Rubens ceiling. It is a magnificent place, but cluttered up with show cases. You pay 2/- to go in and tip the attendant, who provides a chair and a mirror for you to examine the ceiling. He also put on the light for me as I looked so distinguished.

Sunday, March 18th
                     A pre-birthday [Nora’s] for lunch. Invited up Phyllis. She told me that when Mrs Clifford’s brother was on his honeymoon, he and his new wife were invited to stay with them and they moved out of the double bed so that the honeymooners could enjoy it. Clem got up in the middle of the night to relieve himself and then gets into the double bed with his sister-in-law. This attempt to assert his droit de seigneur not appreciated by the visitors ! How typical !
                     Reflect that if you want any piece of news not to be circulated throughout Henley, do not tell it to Phyllis; if you do want it broadcast, then do tell it to her !
                     Put in annuals, candy tuft, nasturtiums, scabious, linaria, nogella and so on. Bedding hyacinths well up and will soon be out.

Wednesday, March 21st
                     Hilary wrote. He seems more and more browned off with the Light Infantry, says intelligent private soldiers go to the Engineers and so on, and has yet to meet anyone who admits to liking the regiment. He thinks in the near future he will go to H .Q . in the intelligence section. He had spent 10 days on manœuvres in a dilapidated hotel by a lake surrounded by pine forests. They went out shooting duck and tried to pot a small deer. It was very enjoyable as there was very little discipline.

Thursday, March 22nd
                     We started out at 8.45 for the National Gallery, the culmination of a term’s Wednesdays. One snag, both Ladies and Gents out of action in the building ! The driver found one where he could pull up near the Albert Hall, so that hurdle surmounted. We got our camp stools and started on Pollaiulo’s St Sebastian, The Rout of San Romano, Botticelli’s Mars and Venus and Nativity, Titian and Tintoretto and Veronese, Guardi and Canaletto, Rubens, Rembrandt and the Spaniards, ending with El Greco’s Agony and a quotation from St Theresa. I was quite overcome when Cherry said how brilliant my hour’s lecture had been.
                     We sent Lady Helen two landscapes, one from Cherry and I and one from the Sixth signed by Annette and Jim Stolarow [head girl and head boy].
                     We walked down to the Victoria Tower coach park, ate our lunch and reached the Tate about 2 o’clock, a brief look round, and then I went to find a Welsh papist artist in the basement called David Jones – the Basement very rewarding when you can discover it. Tea about 3.15 and plenty of liquid for I was dry with much discourse. Started back at 4.0 and reached home at 6.45 via Reading to drop people. These children brought up to expect to be carried everywhere. Ask them to walk a mile home and they think it’s a dreadful hardship !

Friday, March 23rd
                     Mary’s bowl has : Blackthorn, Japonica, Pussy Willow, Alder cones, Polyanthus, Chionadoxa, Crocus, Hyancinth, Coltsfoot, Celandine, Aconites, Violets, Chestnut bud – all in a fine bed of green moss from the garden.

Saturday, March 24th
                     Oxford were not expected to win the Boat Race, but they did stick to Cambridge to the bitter end and made a fine struggle of it.
                     Cherry came up to lunch and tea. She is now fighting another battle with the God-directed Quaker and I have to calm her down. When Nora got back about eight and we had had our supper, she declared someone had stolen her winter coat from the cupboard under the stairs. It was my fault for leaving the key in the door, and she had always said it would happen, etc. And this year of all years !

Sunday, March 25th
                     The winter coat was found in the back room where for some reason Nora had put it! Spent the morning on the allotment and tidying up the garden.

Monday, March 26th
                     The tortoiseshells and brimstones were flying and the bees carrying in pollen to the eight hives. They were beginning to work the opening hyacinths. Spring is coming in very rapidly after the hard winter and the grass on the field turns green as you watch it from one day to the next and the air is full of song.

Tuesday, March 27th
                     Had a talk with the God-directed Quaker, Mrs Eastland, at Mrs C’s request. She is a very stupid young woman and very sure she is right. I told her she must accept authority and that as far as she was concerned Mrs C was authority. Mrs C has got right across her and talks of «spiritual pride » etc – the Catholic and the Quaker. Mrs E says she is given contradictory advice and is then blamed because she could not follow it. She thinks Mrs C is trying to interfere with her life outside the school.

Wednesday, March 28th
                     School broke up without incident. I told the G.D.Q. she would not have a form next term, but refused to discuss the matter. Her husband began ringing up as soon as I had got away to Reading.

Thursday, Good Friday, March 29th – 30th
                     Would not answer phone. It kept ringing all day. I suspected the G.D.Q.’s husband, so, lay low and said nuffin !
                     I took Mary the first lavender and white violets. We met at our usual place, opposite the Corinthian church in Castle Street and about quarter past six set off for The Hatchet at Newbury. This was near the Queen’s Head, but lower in the social scale. There was only one other diner and we were the only guests. After a very good dinner with lager, we went round looking at the shops. The town was full of desperate characters, Americans in civilian dress, English bums, and tarts tottering on high heels.
   We came back and sat in front of the electric fire. I was much overcome with emotion at the sight of Mary and told her there was no one else, she was the only woman I wanted, and that I loved her more than anyone else in the world.

Monday 20 December 2010

1955 October - December

October. Nora in hospital, Mary C breaks down, General Lambert, Rada Barnicott.

Saturday, Oct 1st
   Went out with Mary  C. She was in very poor shape, physically and mentally, poor dear, and wept on my shoulder.
   Ioan and Marjorie came to supper. He brought his war book in typescript and told us of his adventures on his way to Florence and back, ending up with the taxi swinging on a crane because the captain refused to allow it on his ship as he suspected it leaked petrol.

Monday, Oct 3rd
   Norman Attrill came to see me today to ask me to provide more space for displaying pictures. When I pointed out that the walls were wooden anyway and could be used, he said quite seriously that the heads of the drawing pins quite often came off and they might be dangerous. Such is the affect of living with Eric! You'd hardly think we lived through the war as well!

Wednesday, Oct 5th
   Set off at eight o'clock for the Sixth Form trip into prehistory. The glass had fallen and the forecast was not very good. We were able to carry out our programme of two years ago without more than a few drops of rain till we were actually on the site of Stonehenge, when it began to pour, but we had no sun.
   Hilary rang up to night. He is to go to Yorkshire on Friday week for his "potential officer" training and will not have any leave before he goes, which is a pity. Nora will be in hospital anyway having her toe joint operated on for a bunion.

Sunday, Oct 9th
   Had lunch early and went up to Waterloo from Reading to hear Dennis Mathews play four Beethoven sonatas at the Festival Hall - Op 7, 13 (Pathétique), 90 and 111. It was rather warm and I got very sleepy and felt it difficult to concentrate in the first half. The programme was rather long, but made it possible for you to see the wonderful development from the first two sonatas to the music of 111, which seemed, like The Tempest,  to have the quality of a farewell to the instrument - "I'll drown my book deeper than ever plummet sound". You need a two minutes silence for contemplation at the end, not applause when hardly the last note had died away. It was complete in its own right.
   While we were having tea Nora was overcome with emotion and wept, burying her head in her hands.

Tuesday, Oct 11th
   The House Committee, I was glad to find, appeared to share my view on parent-teacher associations. Let's hope the governors agree with them. Nora went into hospital. As usual with nurses and hospitals thrown into a fury. Asked specially to be there before five o'clock, was here; bed not ready, so kept waiting for half an hour for Nora's clothes!


Friday, Oct 14th
     Hilary arrived in the afternoon and evening from Cowley Barracks before moving to a potential officers course at Stensall, north of York. He looked very slim in his battle dress, bit I thought rather thin in the face and pale. He seemed to have accommodated himself well to army life, said the barracks were comfortable and the food quite reasonable. He appeared to find the N.C.O.s possible. He went down to see Nora and then purchased a bottle of Beaujolais to drink with our cold joint. As he had to get up at 5.30 to do the barrack room to the sergeant's satisfaction he was pretty sleepy. At 10.15 he was picked up by some other National Service men at the obelisk in the Marlow road and made his way back.


Sunday, Oct 16th
   Mary came over for Saturday night and this morning we cooked a chicken for dinner after breakfast au francais in bed - but too narrow! In the afternoon we walked up the valley and got some very good spindle. After tea we went to bed again and only got up for soup and sardines about 8. It turned very cold. 


Wednesday, Oct 19th
   Took Wilk in to see Nora, but Lord! how bossy she is! Told me I should light boiler and had given Mrs Bowden, the daily, instructions to do so. Appears she is coming out on Thursday with toe in plaster.
    A governors' meeting. Fearfully slow, lasted for one hour and a half. We exchanged Mrs de Pass for old Hamilton as vice chairman and a new governor, General Lambert, appeared - a man of few words, but I thought great penetration.  - "You want to see what sort of chap I am, I want to see what sort of chap you are!" On going round the building, "I want to see the black spots." I got over to Mary just after 4.30. Nora had written her a letter and she had replied. They intend to meet again and it really looks ad though we may be reaching a solution.


Tuesday, Oct 20th
   A letter from Hilary. Stensall is a badly organized camp, but has he a reasonable corporal and a P.T. sergeant "a wonderful instructor, the counterpart of Phyllis, very ferocious, Yorkshire, a materialist and a good solid man of integrity and common sense and nothing else!"
   Went to see Nora tonight. She has got her crutches and has been out of bed. Probably come home Saturday. She was more cheerful.


Saturday, Oct 22nd
   Yesterday Trafalgar Day celebration went off well, 150th anniversary. I think I can remember 110th in 1905. Ended with a passage from Charles Morgan's Introduction to Flashing Stream  and Wordsworth's Happy Warrior. Had four voices, Annette, Hewlet, Shave and Rixon, the latter rather fine - reads well.
   Fetched Nora from hospital. They have given her two very short crutches. Rather sorry my bachelor existence coming to an end. At any rate I can work the tidying up as I like instead of having litter everywhere! We shall soon revert to this I can see.


Sunday, Oct 23rd
   Worked hard cooking dinner to which Wilk came up. Put up posters for United Nations Day tomorrow. Always Days of some sort, after Trafalgar, UNO, then Remembrance Day, then Prize Day! Soon Judgement Day!


Monday, Oct 24th
   Took Hazel and Rada Barnicott to Bisham Church to show them the Hoby tombs. Rada never uttered. She has less humour than a cat - a cheerful prospect indeed.
   Clear that I can't go away at half term for Nora can't be left at night and does not want Phyllis up to sleep - or Phyllis does not want to come, don't know which.
 
Tuesday, Oct 25th
   Went to supper with Mary Clayden. How bare the house is, how bare her life! The only objects in the sitting room apart from a photograph of the boys a rosary hung on a nail over the bed and a plain wooden cross with I.N.RI. on it made by Richard or Paul at school for present to her. She was very upset, poor dear.


Thursday, Oct 27th
   Mary C did not come in to prayers. Went up to my room afterwards and found her sitting in the chair speechless and trembling. Told her she must go home, see Irvine that afternoon and I would come and see her after school. Over to Oxford by 2.40. Headmasters and Director sat till five o'clock in an hermetically sealed room smoking hard, came out as usual with splitting headache. Drove straight to Mary C's. Found her in a very bad way. Irvine had refused to sign her off and told she must see a psychiatrist and had arranged for him to visit her tomorrow afternoon. She had been driving down today to her parents in Wales, but felt if she started she might drive and drive until she crashed into a wall. She said she was worthless, a woman of no value. Tried to comfort her, and persuade her to see the psychiatrist. She seemed doubtful if he would respect her confidences, pointed out that doctors, like priests, had their own standards. Promised to take her out tomorrow evening.


Friday, Oct 28th
   I thought the calm and austerity of Pamber might soothe her so we drove there slowly in the clear autumn sun shine with the trees aflame and for a time she seemed to forget. On the way back we passed Aldermaston Mill so we went in and found they could give us lunch in half an hour.The wind was Arctic but the sun warm. We sat on a bench under the lee of the mill house and listened to the sound of the stream. I told her how I had once seen a kingfisher fly up the main street of Whitchurch. We got back to Reading Road about 2.30 in time for a cup of tea and I left her - "At any rate," she said, "you have prevented me running away." Couldn't go home as I had told Nora I had gone to Winchester. Went into library and museum at Reading, but it must have been half term as it was full of shouting and whistling children. I met Mary at Castle Street as usual and went out to telephone Mary C while she visited Mrs Hewitt, who is ill.
   After supper I told her about Mary Clayden. She was very understanding and did not ask a lot of questions. I think she had guessed how Mary C was feeling.


Saturday, Oct 29th
   I did the Saturday shopping, which is rather fun in a small community like Henley. Everyone is out and about and you are continually meeting old boys and girls or people you know and the shopkeepers are uniformly friendly and pleasant and very polite.
   I took Nora for a drive up the Stonor valley down to Watlington, left along the Downs to Ewelme and back through Nettlebed. The sun shone and the trees glowed in their yellows and reds. The planet is a collector's piece in natural beauty as well as chemical elements, and when we look it from space we shall see how snug and homely it is, I guess.


Sunday, Oct 30th
   A very cold raw day, wind in N.E. Painted the van roof with bituminous paint. The window frames need doing too. Listened to Schubert Trio in B flat in the morning. Nora said she had last heard it when I played it to her on a gramophone in the nursing home after our first child died in 1935, 20 years ago. I had forgotten this. Wrote to Mary and told her painting caravan gave me confidence. At any rate I felt I had a roof over my head (April - to October).
 

Monday, Oct 31st
   Went to see Dr Hartley in the morning. Told him I felt better and he said blood pressure down and kidneys OK. Said I had a tightening of thorax going up hill and wondered if heart causing this. Said nothing to be heard on stethoscope. Will these minor symptoms and complaints make them think you verging on hypochondria!
   After this took bus to Reading and had tea with Mary in Wellsteeds. She had had time to think over what I had told he on Friday and began to tease me about Mary C, which made me a bit cross. Also I had given up part of my holiday to sweat over to Reading, which I thought was not really appreciated!
   There has been a fearful fuss because it was thought Princess Margaret might be going to marry a man who had divorced his wife. Now, after a reporters' carnival and orgy in the cheap press, she has decided not to. When it was said her marriage would distress pious people, old Gilbert Murray wrote to The Times and remarked: was the view of educated and liberal opinion always to be put behind that of a backward and conservative majority. Hear! hear!


November. 22s 6d a week for the National Service soldier.  Oh God, Oh Henley-on-Thames!

Wednesday, Nov 2nd
   This was one of our lucky days and we were very happy. I caught the 1.30 bus to Reading, bought the tickets and waited for Mary outside the station. We got to Paddington about three and went to the Royal Academy. There was a small but delightful exhibition of Portuguese art, much more interesting than the recent Dutch C18th exhibition. The two early rooms were full of lovely things, medieval statues, Romanesque capitals and pictures, including the great panels of royal family and court from St Vincent's, Lisbon. Although the 17th and 18th century painting was not particularly interesting there was a lot of variety, furniture, pottery, tapestries, rugs, photographs of churches, and so on, ending up with the enormous 17th century state coach in gold made for Queen Maria about 1670.
   After tea we went to the Festival Hall to hear the new organ. We dined at the N.B.L. and caught the 9.25 without having to rush or hurry.


Friday, Nov 4th
   Nora in her usual way rushed off to town after giving a blood donation and came back on the late train. There is no holding her anyway so you might as well give up trying. 


Saturday, Nov 5th
   Mary Clayden to come back on Tuesday. She has been reconciled with the church, which is something, and I hope she is not full up with phenobarbitone. Wondering whether to tell Nora what is the matter to avoid being continually asked round here as "good work."
   Had discussion with Nora about future, although, as psychologists always are, much occupied with what happened in the past. She is willing to divorce me so that Mary and I can get married. It seems we must work in stages - Nora must get a job, I must leave before the divorce, when it is valid marry Mary, and then set about getting something to keep us going until 1959, perhaps 2 1/2 years. It is a formidable assignment for all of us.


Tuesday, Nov 8th
   Con has written a most interesting letter about her house. I had asked her what it cost. Apparently she paid £500 for site, £3,300 for builder and £165 for architect - £3,965. It has all the modern labour saving gadgets and fibre glass over the ceilings to keep in the heat.
I am quite sure we could not afford £4,000.


Thursday, Nov 10th
   Mary C came over to tea. She was altogether better for her stay in Wales and return to the church. Irvine told her parents she must be persuaded to go out and make friends and not keep shut up all the time. She was still taking phenobarbitone and while with me smoked four or five cigarettes. I feel I have acted very badly and unwisely. I ought to have known better from past experience. I have made things more difficult, which is wrong and inconsiderate of me.


Friday, Nov 11th
   Hilary arrived on the 11 o'clock from Paddington, very hungry as he had nothing much since midday.


Saturday, Nov 12th
   A social day! Phyllis to lunch and Ioan and Wilk to supper. Hilary in good form recounting his experiences in camp.
   Donald Heath came up. Very much the specialist, smart suit, college tie, no neck, visible corporation! May go to America, had been to conference of heart and lung surgeons at St Andrews. Photographed with all the great. But still won't open a bank account and keeps his money at the Post Office. Very odd.
   Find I have 9 wearable shirts but not as many coats and or trousers. Mary says important to make sure everything does nol wear out at the same time - feel this has a physiological application as well!
   Wilk's elder sister has been badly smashed up in a car accident. She was a passenger and apparently her face went through the windscreen. At first they did not know whether sight of both eyes had gone, but one at any rate is now all right. This is the first acquaintance of ours to be involved in a road smash.


Sunday, Nov 13th
   The lot of a National Service man is not easy. For the first six months all they get is 22/6 a week out of which they have to pay travelling home, cleaning materials and other sundries.
   The Geneva meeting of foreign ministers, like so very many others, has come to nothing. Mr Molotoff sits there where he has sat, stone bottoming as before! The Russians have muscled in in the Middle East, supplying arms to Egypt. The Arabs, who regard Israel as a western outpost in their territory, can more easily be won over because are less politically mature. We could drop Israel to court Arab favour, or rush into the fray on Israel's side and arm her further. Better to do neither but mediate firmly between the two sides.
   Some parson preaching in St Paul's said the church should be disestablished. Quite agree. The connection with the state more and more absurd, but what about the Coronation and the Queen as head of church. We are so conservative, I bet nothing will come of it, logic or not.
   Victor Gollanz has started a national campaign for the abolition of the death penalty. I hope it may succeed as then the Home Secretary cannot go on saying there is no public opinion against it, which is what he does at the moment.


Tuesday, Nov 15th
   Mr Barclay and Miss McEwan came down to speak on International Aid to Children. We have beaten our record of last year of £50 by a bit. I was anxious to get them off by the 4.25, but ran out of petrol when I was taking them to the station. Sir Isaac Newton got them to the Market Place and from there they had to run for it.
   Hope to get rid of temporary male English teacher, Mr Franklin, at the end of term and have a temporary tough Liverpuddlian from a senior school in Reading, ex R.A.F., and used to a school where the boys wear ties with nudes and girls skin-tight jerseys.


Wednesday, Nov 23rd
     Picked Mary up at the Royal Berks, where she had been to visiting Mrs Hewitt from bottom flat. After tea we went to see The Dambusters, the film of the attack on the Ruhr dams in 1943. Michael Redgrave played the part of the inventor of the bomb, Barnes Wallis. He was very good, but the Squadron Leader (Guy Gibson) was harder to bring to life. It was a sad film, but a good one for no attempt was made to over emotionalize it. The story was allowed to speak for itself and the settings were authentic. The news of the success of the attack at length came through, the exhausted survivors  returned and flung themselves on their beds, the aircraft shot down were chalked as "missing", the camera traversed the empty rooms; the note left propped up against a lamp, an alarm clock wound up before the departure; the vacant tables in the mess; and Gibson was seen walking away in the distance to write letters to the relatives of those who had been killed.


Thursday, Nov 24th
   Took the Sixth Form for the parish church trip as in June. It was a showery, cold and rather windy day. Although we started at 10.20 we only just got back at 4.15. They did not seem to have done much more at Ryecote and Chiselhampton was in disorder for they had just distempered the walls.... At Thame the sun broke through and lit up the lovely chancel and Swyncombe was as usual, I felt, full of the atmosphere of medieval piety. Chiselhampton and Swyncomlbe could hardly furnish a greater contrast; building materials, walls, windows, woodwork, east end, plan, fittings; C18th rationalism and illumination, medieval mysticism and darkness.


Friday, Nov 25th
   Lady Helen came in to tell me all the returns that they want for the inspection. I got a lift from her to the Gloucester bus, which was like an oven. Ruth was away looking after her mother and sister, both baffy. I had Molly to myself and told her of my plans. She did not make any unfavourable comment (Diarist's later comment: That came later!). Said she had often wondered whether Nora and I would separate.


Wednesday, Nov 30th
   Prize Day! Wonder if my last! Bitterly cold and foggy but did not rain at least. The usual chores carting and sorting books, chair removing, rehearsing prize winners and so on - not to mention hauling old Denham onto the stage and distributing tea. Lionel Brett, the architect, made a sensitive and unusual speech. He said he had asked three friends what he should say; the first said "Tell them life is short", the second said "Tell them not to imagine they will ever grow up" and the third said "Tell them to be themselves". He explained what he thought they meant by these answers in a charming and delightful way and then said he would read them a Chinese story which would indicate that what we think of as misfortunes in fact may turn out to be benefits.
   The speech was quite short, but nemesis lay in wait for us! Tom Luker had invited old Hamilton to propose the vote of thanks and we had a typical small town speech - what he had learnt when at school, corporal punishment, lasting almost as long as the guest's itself and taking all the enjoyment out of it. Oh God! Oh Henley-on-Thames! A shocking exhibition.
   Lionel Brett and his wife, plenty of mascara, had come over from Eton where they had been visiting their boy and were returning there after tea for a party at the housemaster's. I talked to Sir Felix Brunner for a bit but he was a jumpy little man with a lot of facial ticks. Well that's over. I am always glad when it is. Time has made me less nervous than I used to be, but I like them not at all.

Saturday, Dec 3rd
   Went to bank, find I have £700 savings, little enough I am afraid. Hilary came home on 36 hours leave about 5 o'clock. He seemed well and bigger, too, I thought. Hilary points out that he is now a fully trained man and has had all the training the National Service men had who went out to Korea to hold back "the yellow hordes." Formidable.
 

December. Death of Rev: Pachyderm. Krushchev's whacking lies. Romantic Clem Clifford. Alistair Cooke on simple Christmas. First space travellers already born?


Sunday, Dec 4th
   A very sunny morning - temperature 50°, cold rather runny and troublesome. Hilary goes to W.O. Selection Board together with eight others from York. He tells me he is so cynical that his nickname in the hut is Tombstone. Asked if I am considered cynical, Nora answers no, but realist and sometimes pessimistic. 


Monday, Dec 5th
   Mary C has asked me to go and see Hamlet with her on Saturday. Tell Nora, who asks, "Won't it encourage her?"


Wednesday, Dec 7th
   Got off to early start and drove to Mortimer Common. The sky was grey and the wind soughed mournfully in the pines. Mary got to work with my secateurs and got branches for the library of catkins and fir. After supper we went to bed, but just after we had done so a gang of children erupted and started singing carols from door to door. We turned off the light so when they peered through the letter box, which they did, flat appeared dark and empty. Mary was amused, but I was annoyed that we could not even go to bed without being interrupted and disturbed! And I don't like carols anyway!


Saturday, Dec 9th
   London! But why does one ever go to this most frustrating of cities! I don't know. Today a good example. Met Mary C at National Book League and had lunch in crowded, airless, uncomfortable and overheated basement. Dripped in sweat, took off pullover, still dripped. To Portuguese exhibition before and after tea. Slightly less hot. To Marble Halls; enormous queue so had to have a meal in self-service, more heat! Then the theatre, this worst of all, unbearable, almost rivalling Antony and Cleopatra in 1953. Started at 7.15,  but had to come out at 10.20 before end to get to Paddington and catch 11 train. In spite of running and hurrying - bathed in sweat once more - in rabbit warren of Tubes, only just made it the journey in 40 minutes. Reflected why do I bother to put up with this discomfort as the minutes ticked by on the platform.  Maidenhead train freezing cold; arrived Henley 12.30. Dirty, sticky tired and frustrated.
   And Hamlet - well it was a mixed performance. Quite the worst Ophelia I had ever seen! Paul Scofield a good, simple and straightforward, uncomplicated Hamlet, Ernest Thesiger a likeable old bore, Claudius very good, the Queen poor. Nowhere near as good as Richard Burton's at the Old Vic.


Sunday, Dec 11th
   Hilary returned from W.O.S.B. last night in high dudgeon. He was one of 60% not selected for commissions. He may have been too bluff and aggressive perhaps, or lost on his schools. One interviewer asked him if they had corporal punishment at either of them.  He will return to Cowley and I suppose join the Oxfords in Germany. After that, rumour says, they are going to Hong Kong.
   Spent part of today reading Evelyn Waugh's Campion. It is beautifully written, wish I could write prose like his. I was engaged in this because of my young ladies, Hazel and Rada. Hazel heavy but possible, Rada queer, highbrow and impossible.
   Mr Krouschev has been visiting India and Burma making rude remarks about us, including not a few whacking lies, as that we egged on Hitler to attack Russia.
   We are asked to pay more, 6% instead of 5%, for our superannuation - in effect a salary cut.
The N.U.T. has asked its members to refuse to collect National Savings contributions next year. The Minister, Sir David Eccles, a smooth type,  says this will injure the children because their characters will suffer. I can't think of anything that is likely to injure the children less. 


Tuesday, Dec 13th
   Out termly staff meeting. We all sit round the tables in the library. I read out the names form by form. The romantic Clement Clifford sits on my left. He fancies himself as a penetrating observer of boy nature, but as a rule he disagrees with his colleagues. My object is to let them have their say without wasting too much time. The same individuals, queers and oddities, come up time and time again. The key lies not here but in the home. Nevertheless Clem has a romantic idea that a word from me may alter the the pattern of the young life. Alas, I have not such faith in my magic powers. An hour passes and we reach the sixth. When they are finished we emerge to the smell of Dustmo and the sound of brooms. The cleaners are at work. We depart for home.  
   Bad news from South Africa. Cousin Cyril, whom I have not seen since 1921, is thinking of coming home next year. I remember him with boredom as an uncouth silent individual. I do not suppose time has improved him. His family has grown up and he is separated from his wife. His business is sold and he does not seem to have any contacts with the remaining brother.

Wednesday, Dec 14th
   House Music Competition, judged by Mr Pitcher from Leighton Park, who was not as good as I hoped, not as free with constructive criticism, though I had no fault with his marking. I pride myself with my packing the natives in, but this year with 25 more, I really thought I was beaten. We just made it.
   Periam House have carried the cup off for the last three years and won it 10 times, Hambleden 6 and the unfortunate Valpy only 5, the last in 1944! It was very enjoyable this year because it was so varied. A  "gentleman's choir" sang Blow The Man Down, a boy sang Art thou troubled, Music will calm thee very sweetly, and we had Rixon on the clarinet and the saxophone, and little Rachel Mathews playing the cello. Also a native sang Silent Night, pronounced soilent noight.
   When Brind and Mr Pitcher were over for lunch I learnt that "the Canon" had died on Sunday. At Mary's I found an obituary in The Times. He appeared from our experience quite unrecognisable - "wise, patient, inspiring, innate gift for handling boys, outstanding and selfless service, Christian forthrightness, made the parish church a place of worship and his home a centre of hospitality for oarsmen" (he let in Regatta!) and so on. Perhaps Tom Wheeler, who was cleaning out an old oil stove on the backdoor step, was nearer the mark when he said, "Nobody liked them in Henley."

Thursday, Dec 15th
   A rather irritating day. The Curate had gone to the Canon's funeral so I sat with one of his forms. They seemed a bit thin on the ground. Later football appeared to be going on next door. There I found three papists and four boys the Curate had turned out for the term without a word to anyone. Later I had to intervene where Mr Franklin was being shouted down. At lunch footballs were being kicked around to the great peril of the gym windows.  
   Mary Clayden came over to tea, which was nice, and she showed me a charming picture of herself and her two boys at her sister's wedding.
   Donald Heath has landed a lecturership in pathology at Birmingham. He was a man of destiny after all.
   See there has been "an irreverent incident" in Warrington. The Wise Men were shown offering a washing machine, a refrigerator and an electric cooker, to the great scandal of the faithful.

Saturday, Dec 17th
   Hilary arrived back from Cowley on leave for Christmas in time for the Prefects' Party. I went over for the first bit of the tea. As often, people had not replied to invitations and there were a number of vacant places and far too much food. Afterwards they did The Dear Departed, a favourite with them, played games and danced. I went back later, but contrary to usual practice they finished early and I missed Auld Lang Syne. I never did like parties and as I get older like them less and less.
   It was very hot and the dancers raised a fine dust. Through the noise of the dance music one endeavoured to talk to visitors by shouting and trying to catch, without success, what they bawled in reply. It was most exhausting and at the end one was not sure whether Miss Timms was going to the Seychelles or the Windward Islands.    


Monday, Dec 19th
   The carols started this week. Juniors today, Seniors tomorrow, Town Hall Wednesday. I think I must have been taken perforce to carol services by Father because they are now one of the forms of music that don't attract me at all, especially While Shepherds Watched and Good King W.

Wednesday, Dec 21st
   Bad day at Black Rock. All went off well in the morning. I read the sixth the account of Charles' escape after Worcester, which they enjoyed. When however I came in from Lunch I found the Wilk in my room. She thought I ought to know there had been an outbreak in the hall during dinner. Mrs Clayden had offered to take it for her and she had refused. I could not get from her what tables had been the cause of it. It was like wading through glue. Clem had gone home ill, Mrs C had driven a girl home. I was very cross anyway, refused to go round those forms and wish them a happy Christmas, had them in the hall and told them they spoilt everything. But in between all this I had to be charming to my own form and the junior forms. What a curse! what a waste of time!
   Mary C to tea, gave her a nice dark-green glass bowl from Italy. Carols at Town Hall with town band; hair nearly blasted off!


Thursday, Dec 22nd
   Took Mary C to lunch at the George at Dorchester. After lunch we went over the Abbey, cold and mothy as usual, and then looked in the tiny R.C. church. Mary said the priests are allowed £65 per annum. Back by Little Wittenham and climbing the clumps. It was nice and lonely and remote on top and we walked round the edge of the wood and sheltered against a large trunk against the cold.

Friday, Dec 23rd
   Had a note from Mary C asking me if I would go to Midnight Mass at which her two boys were serving, in her friend "Jackie's" chapel (She had already told me she was having a Mass said for me on Christmas Day - certainly one of the most unusual presents I have had). What would be Nora's or Hilary's comments if I suddenly went off to Midnight Mass in a Roman Catholic chapel I can't imagine - besides I should have thought having me there would be a fearful distraction and awkward all round.
   To the flat with a half bottle of Beaujolais which we drank with our dried haddock and mashed potatoes. It was potent. I felt so sleepy after that Mary opened the window and we put our heads out to see Orion hung low in the winter sky. We slipped off our clothes and Mary out on her pyjama top and we got into bed. We were close and talked of the year we had had and Mary C and being faithful in love; it was long and leisurely, lovely and wonderful, and as always new and renewing.

Christmas Eve
   The weather was dull and drizzly. Read the memoirs of Lord Curzon's wife published 30 years after his death. George was not such a pompous bore as he was made out to be, but a very sensitive and emotional man under his enamelled exterior. Also reading Hoskins book on the making of the English landscape, which is most interesting.
   Alistair Cooke in New York observes in today's Guardian "No city has ever sold so many electric railroads, model jets, more diamond tiaras, caviare, sables, minks and Cadillacs, and all the things that make Christmas so simple and poignant a festival.


Christmas Day, Sunday
   A lovely morning! I opened my bedroom window and looked up the valley. It was sunny and everything was full of colour - the icegreen of the frost on the grass, the dark firs, the deep chocolate of the plough, a brilliant white sun just over the horizon shining up the valley to the west on the reddish bud-covered tops of the oaks, limes and sycamores, and immediately below me the brown bents of summer's hay.
   After we had had breakfast, opened presents, numerous for Nora and Hilary, few for me, and done our household chores, Hilary and I went for a walk up the valley.
   We had our dinner about half past one, soup, chicken, sprouts, two kinds of potatoes, Plum Pudding, Brandy Butter and a bottle of Beaujolais - and got cleared away in time for the Queen's speech. This year the Commonwealth survey was rather more imaginative. Influenced by the new cosmogony they went to see the radio telescopes and journeyed round in space. The first explorers to visit the moon, we were told, had perhaps already been born.
   We spent most of the rest of the day reading and listening to the wireless. Ended with a bath and a good scrub with what I call a loofa and Mary calls a loofah.

Boxing Day, Monday
   A rough, windy, mild night and driving rain. Nora went down to the Market Place to help Phyllis with the children while the Danish help, Mr Owdry and the Danish boy Knud came up for tea. Mr Owdry was a Nigerian gentleman studying local administration at Torquay. He first appeared in full native dress when she was at Empshott Lodge and had now invited himself for Christmas, this time in very ill-fitting grey flannels. He had nothing to say, so I took him round the school. I had no torch so the only thing visible was the whites of his eyes.


Tuesday, Dec 27th
   A letter by post from Mary C. Went over to the school to get privacy to reply. We were asked down to Phyllis for drinks before lunch. present Mr and Mrs Oxby, Professor and Mrs Weiss, Mr and Mrs Slesser, Mr Owdry, Mrs McBurnie, Jimmie and Johnnie, Nora, Hilary and self and Danish help, 12 adults. Mr Owdry was asked to stay for one night, but shows no sign of departing despite broad hints. Eve said when her mother gave her hip measurements for a corset they wrote back and said there must be some mistake. Mrs Oxby said a friend of hers weighing 14 stone put a penny in a weighing machine, which ejected a card printed "one at a time please".
   Fascinated by Phyllis' eyes, which appeared glazed with contracted pupils! Hilary said she had probably taken dope to put her to sleep and more dope to wake her up. Hilary gave a party to the Danes, Canute and three nannies.


Thursday, Dec 29th
   To see Aunt. It was a cold day, but she insisted on being taken to see Rusby at the old people's home. She emerged in her dressing gown and sat in the car with Aunt. Aunt's mind pretty good for 95, but her eyes are getting rather bad. She remarked on how thin Nora looked.
   Donald Heath came up for coffee. He is becoming steadily more S shaped, round shouldered at the top and pot bellied at the bottom. We started talking about work and society. He disapproved of Ioan's bummery, but as Nora said to meet Ioan is refreshment for the spirit, not so to meet Donald! Hilary volunteered that it is possible to lead a vagrant life fruit picking by moving from the currants in Turkey to the oranges in Spain.


Friday, Dec 30th
   N and Hilary up to London to lunch in the Strand, with Ken and Rita. Mary C came up to early lunch and I took her a long walk from Whitchurch to Gatehampton. 


Saturday, Dec 31st  
   Nora has been very gloomy, silent and depressed these holidays in spite of "social life" . Myself I don't fancy social life for itself. I like meeting people in ones or twos, but parties as parties, working off people because you ought to, not because you have interests in common, seems to me a waste of one's time, and life is short enough anyway without passing a part of it in boredom or discomfort.
   I must have adopted this view early in life for in those days parties meant changing from your old comfortable clothes and putting on new and uncomfortable ones. I hated doing this. I remember being taken to two children's parties at Shillingford; at the first one our hosts were only interested in ponies, at the second they were only interested in golf. I was interested in neither!
   Went over to tea with Mary at Wellsteeds and we had a good laugh, my first for some days! I had not seen her for a week and thought how lovely she was.
       1955 is over. In world affairs rather disappointing. The Russians seemed to have adopted a more friendly and conciliatory attitude in the spring and summer. Then they suddenly altered their tactics. They intervened in the Middle East, offered arms, economic and technical aid to the Arab states, notably Egypt. The temperature between Jews and Arabs immediately went rocketing up. Then at Geneva in October they refused to negotiate on Germany. They talked peace, but refused to budge an inch. In the autumn they made further attempts to worsen relations between India and Pakistan and stir up feeling between the West and India.
   Hilary, still without his Latin, has gone into the army. He is now a boy no longer, but I wish he took a bit more trouble to please and make himself agreeable.